Maxim UK international girl

“Ho” is slang for prostitute. Not to be confused with “hoe” which is a garden tool, or the way ho is spelled by someone a little intelligence-challenged.

I pride myself on my grammar and spelling, but for once I am at a loss. What is the plural of “ho?” Do you add an “e” to make it plural, resulting in “hoes,” or does that just refer to multiple garden tools? “Hos” just seems incorrect. Another possibility is “ho’s” but wouldn’t that just show possession? Like what if you wanted to say the “ho’s hoe” referring to a hooker who had quite the green thumb. And definitely incorrect would be “hose” which is a long cylindrical object, or can refer to pantyhose, which is favored by many transvestites. And there are transvestite prostitutes, so it can get even more complicated.

Now there is a song that says “I’ve got hos in different area codes.” But I cannot rely on rap music for proper grammer. So you see my dilemma.

…but we do love Byronic Heroes. A man like Lord Byron, “mad, bad and dangerous to know.” Like Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights or Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind. Men like this are complex and compelling, while self-proclaimed “nice guys” are milquetoast–like Edgar Linton or Ashley Wilkes. I, for one, could never damn myself to a life sentence of either one.

Here are the characteristics of a Byronic Hero swiped from Wikipedia:

a strong sense of arrogance
high level of intelligence and perception
cunning and able to adapt
suffering from an unnamed crime
a troubled past
sophisticated and educated
self-critical and introspective
mysterious, magnetic and charismatic
struggling with integrity
power of seduction and sexual attraction
social and sexual dominance
emotional conflicts, bipolar tendencies, or moodiness
a distaste for social institutions and norms
being an exile, an outcast, or an outlaw
“dark” attributes not normally associated with a hero
disrespect of rank and privilege
jaded, world-weary
cynicism
self-destructive behavior

What girl hasn’t loved at least one in her life?

And now, with Narcissistic Personality Disorder being omitted from the DSM, how about “Byronic Hero Disorder?” Yum, I do hope so!

I went far away from LA for this photoshoot and the air smelled like cow poo. Imagine my excitement to see cows everywhere!

This was not latent Hindu excitement, for we don’t really worship cows. We just like them a lot.

I never knew that Hindus held cows sacred in any way until I read it at the age of 16. Especially since my family was raised eating beef.

“It’s okay as long as you don’t eat Indian cows,” my Dad replied when I questioned it.

Strangely enough my Dad had a cow as a pet when he was a child.

“They’re actually quite intelligent animals,” he said, remembering his beloved pet cow. I don’t think he eats beef anymore–none of us do for health (and vanity!) reasons.

I think that I would like a pet cow of my own someday if they weren’t so stinky. And I couldn’t bring myself to milk it, preferring only to squeeze mammaries made of silicone and saline.

Once upon a time at the Playboy Mansion my girlfriend got a persistent case of hiccups. While I enlisted many creepy old men in satiny pajamas to try to scare her (as if they weren’t scary enough) her hiccups continued. Finally the bartender stepped in…

“Draw a cow. Draw it in detail, don’t forget to give it a tail and give it udders. Now name your cow. What did you name it?”

By the time she spoke the name of her imaginary cow, her hiccups were gone. Cows are grand. I’m sleepy, goodnight.