Archive for the ‘Official Website News’ Category
http://www.fhm.com/girls/news/ladies-and-gentlemen-this-is-minnie-gupta-82128Shot by Ash Gupta/Studio 838MG
“Ho” is slang for prostitute. Not to be confused with “hoe” which is a garden tool, or the way ho is spelled by someone a little intelligence-challenged.
I pride myself on my grammar and spelling, but for once I am at a loss. What is the plural of “ho?” Do you add an “e” to make it plural, resulting in “hoes,” or does that just refer to multiple garden tools? “Hos” just seems incorrect. Another possibility is “ho’s” but wouldn’t that just show possession? Like what if you wanted to say the “ho’s hoe” referring to a hooker who had quite the green thumb. And definitely incorrect would be “hose” which is a long cylindrical object, or can refer to pantyhose, which is favored by many transvestites. And there are transvestite prostitutes, so it can get even more complicated.
Now there is a song that says “I’ve got hos in different area codes.” But I cannot rely on rap music for proper grammer. So you see my dilemma.
…but we do love Byronic Heroes. A man like Lord Byron, “mad, bad and dangerous to know.” Like Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights or Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind. Men like this are complex and compelling, while self-proclaimed “nice guys” are milquetoast–like Edgar Linton or Ashley Wilkes. I, for one, could never damn myself to a life sentence of either one.
Here are the characteristics of a Byronic Hero swiped from Wikipedia:
a strong sense of arrogance
high level of intelligence and perception
cunning and able to adapt
suffering from an unnamed crime
a troubled past
sophisticated and educated
self-critical and introspective
mysterious, magnetic and charismatic
struggling with integrity
power of seduction and sexual attraction
social and sexual dominance
emotional conflicts, bipolar tendencies, or moodiness
a distaste for social institutions and norms
being an exile, an outcast, or an outlaw
“dark” attributes not normally associated with a hero
disrespect of rank and privilege
What girl hasn’t loved at least one in her life?
And now, with Narcissistic Personality Disorder being omitted from the DSM, how about “Byronic Hero Disorder?” Yum, I do hope so!
I went far away from LA for this photoshoot and the air smelled like cow poo. Imagine my excitement to see cows everywhere!
This was not latent Hindu excitement, for we don’t really worship cows. We just like them a lot.
I never knew that Hindus held cows sacred in any way until I read it at the age of 16. Especially since my family was raised eating beef.
“It’s okay as long as you don’t eat Indian cows,” my Dad replied when I questioned it.
Strangely enough my Dad had a cow as a pet when he was a child.
“They’re actually quite intelligent animals,” he said, remembering his beloved pet cow. I don’t think he eats beef anymore–none of us do for health (and vanity!) reasons.
I think that I would like a pet cow of my own someday if they weren’t so stinky. And I couldn’t bring myself to milk it, preferring only to squeeze mammaries made of silicone and saline.
Once upon a time at the Playboy Mansion my girlfriend got a persistent case of hiccups. While I enlisted many creepy old men in satiny pajamas to try to scare her (as if they weren’t scary enough) her hiccups continued. Finally the bartender stepped in…
“Draw a cow. Draw it in detail, don’t forget to give it a tail and give it udders. Now name your cow. What did you name it?”
By the time she spoke the name of her imaginary cow, her hiccups were gone. Cows are grand. I’m sleepy, goodnight.
Is it a doomed, star-crossed romance? Blackberry lovers scoff at Iphones. Iphoners think of Blackberry users as far behind the times.
Yes, I’m a Blackberry girl. It’s mostly due to my manicure and my distrust of Steve Jobs. My perfectly-groomed, french-tipped talons are ineffective on those touch screens. And anytime I walk into an Apple store I nearly have a panic attack. It reminds me of “A Clockwork Orange” for some reason.
Okay, so maybe the real reason I’m a Blackberry girl is Blackberry Messenger–my beloved BBM. All the pictures and screen names and emoticons–ordinary texting seems so outdated. All of my close friends are on BBM. I think that’s because if they’re not on BBM I forget they exist. It’s like they live in Orange County or the Valley; you know they’re out there somewhere, but you see them maybe twice a year. I think of all my Iphone-using friends as having 818 numbers.
I know we’re not supposed to “date in the 818″ but judging a man by his choice of phone is kind of superficial, right? I always send a new friend my BBM pin with my fingers crossed anyway.
But when Blackberry girls end up in a relationship with Iphone men, textual intercourse is not the same. “Sexting” is not real time. Emoticons with normal text just cannot encompass our wide range of emotions. And the worst part? When this Iphoner has angered or disgusted you, you cannot dramatically delete them off your Blackberry Messenger. (That of course is a very adult way to show someone how you feel, as opposed to expressing your feelings with verbally).
Imagine being dumped by someone who says “It’s not you, it’s your Iphone.” And then you chuck your Iphone at them a la Naomi Campbell.* Which of course is the only option if you can’t just delete them off your Blackberry Messenger.
*MG does not advocate cell phone violence. Of course, Naomi Campbell does and we love her for it.
Don’t worry kiddos, I haven’t gone too far with my love of old(er) men. I just read this:
Michael Caine has never found himself attracted to any of his female co-stars – because he considers his wife more stunning than any of them.
The Alfie star has worked with Hollywood beauties such as Sigourney Weaver, Demi Moore and Dame Helen Mirren since he began his career in the 1950s.
But the 75-year-old only has eyes for his wife of 36 years, former model Shakira.
He says, “I was always doing love scenes with very beautiful women. You can go on the set and there’ll be one of the most beautiful women in the world and the director will say, ‘Take your clothes off and get into bed.’
“That could be a great temptation so I decided that I would never marry a woman who wasn’t as beautiful as the women I was working with. And I married a woman who, in actual fact, is more beautiful than most women I have worked with, so all the temptation was at home, not at work. So I rush home to get some temptation.”
And Caine can’t imagine life without his 61-year-old spouse, insisting she completes him.
He adds, “She is the other half of me. Also, we’re still very much in love with each other. We always have been, we always will be.”
Apparently he first saw his wife in a coffee commercial and became obsessed with tracking her down. Which could be kind of stalker-ish if it wasn’t so romantic